Multiple Views of What It Means to Treat People with Respect
When I was a manager, I felt that treating the people in my department with respect was a key component of good management. But it never occurred to me back then that respect might mean different things to different people. Puzzling interactions with a direct report led Davey to discover that the way the employee exhibited respect toward her differed from what she viewed as respectful behavior. The employer’s behavior wasn’t wrong; it was just different from Davey’s own style.
Everyone wants to be treated with respect. But clearly, respect isn’t a simple concept. Even basic definitions vary. Most people would think of respect as admiration for someone or something important. By contrast, some peropl describe respect as showing solemn regard for the worth of people. In this view, we do not have a duty to hold all people in high esteem, but we are morally obligated to treat everyone with respect, regardless what they have done.”
The idea of respecting people who have carried out egregious acts is unsettling. But Michaelson contends that we have a moral duty to treat people with respect based not on their rights, but on our responsibility to be better than they are. He cites the story of a debate between two politicians. When one of them becomes abusive and insulting, the other responds, “Sir, I will continue to treat you like a gentleman. Not because you are one, but because I am one.”
Fortunately, the basics of treating people with respect are simple and entail such things as displaying courtesy and kindness, encouraging them to express ideas and opinions, listening to them, acknowledging their perspectives, and honoring cultural sensitivities and practices.
Some signs of respect are subtle, such as placing yourself at or below the other person’s level. An adult who kneels down so that his head is at the same height as a child’s is showing a form of respect. The parallel in the workplace is sitting so that you can make direct eye contact with others who are seated, rather than standing and towering over them.
Showing respect entails avoiding signs of disrespect, such as constantly interrupting people, belittling them, speaking in a condescending matter, and facial gestures such as grimaces or sneers. Signs of disrespect include the silent treatment, bullying, harassment, and backstabbing—although these behaviors suggest more is going on than “mere” disrespect.
Perhaps it would be instructive for your team or department to have a conversation about what you each view as evidence of respect and disrespect. I’ll bet you’ll learn things about each other’s views that you didn’t know before.
