The Communication Trap Posed by Certainty
When people are confronted with a problem, they have a tendency to make assumptions and, having made them, jump to conclusions.
Here’s a situation I read about. The parents of a child with a serious medical condition were having her admitted to the hospital for treatment. But her admission was delayed because of a matter of concern to the parents. When the doctor in charge inquired, the parents said they didn’t want their daughter treated by the student doctor assigned to the case.
Upon hearing this concern, the doctor launched into a detailed response. He told the parents he understood how they might feel uncomfortable with a student doctor, but many other medical professionals would be helping to care for their daughter. He pointed out that this was a teaching hospital and emphasized that this was how he himself was trained.
The doctor’s eloquent defense of teaching hospitals would have been fine, provided it addressed the parents’ concern. But if his assumption were wrong, then his response wasted his time and theirs and risked further upsetting people who were already anxious. Alienating distressed customers is not a surefire route to winning them over.
If you face a similar situation, a better starting point is to ask yourself if you’re sure you understand what the problem is. If you’re not, you can ask some clarifying questions. But if you’re sure you understand what the problem is, it’s wise to ask yourself: If I were unsure, what would I ask?
The doctor had lots of options for soliciting additional information from the parents. For example, he might have asked, “What is it about the student that disturbs you?” He might have said, “What do you mean?” or “Say more about that.” Or he could have just said, “I don’t follow.” These are among the many questions or statements he could have used.
Certainty is a potentially dangerous mental flaw when it leads us to assume we know what others are thinking. It’s in situations of absolute certainty that we’re most likely to be wrong—or at least misguided. And so it was with the doctor. Articulate though his defense of teaching hospitals was, it had nothing to do with the parents’ concern.
Their concern, which they then explained, wasn’t with student doctors in general, but with the specific student doctor assigned to their daughter. His attitude and appearance worried them, and they wanted him removed from the case. Whether their request was valid or not, their explanation enabled the doctor to respond based on the actual issue rather than the one he had assumed to be the case.
The bottom line: If in doubt, clarify. And if certain, clarify, clarify, clarify.
