The Cost of Self-Criticism and How to Avoid It
Oh, you doofus! What a stupid mistake! You should have known better!
No, I’m not talking to you. This is me chastising myself when I’ve screwed up. Fortunately, I’ve overcome a tendency towards perfectionism, which—among its other downsides—can lead you to find fault with everything you do until it’s perfect. And, of course, it never is.
If you’re prone to self-criticism, the work world doesn’t make things any easier. When you face constant priorities and pressures, it’s difficult to get everything right and easy to fall victim to negative thoughts about your decisions and actions. Those voices in your head—what this post aptly calls “that know-it-all, bullying, mean-spirited committee”—can become mighty noisy.
Still, even those pesky voices might not pose a problem unless they’re too loud and too negative, too often. Here’s a test you can take to gauge whether you’re too self-critical. I’m leery of so-called tests that aim to categorize aspects of your personality with just a few questions, especially when the test itself hasn’t been tested to determine its validity. Still, if you’d describe yourself as self-critical, these questions might help you reflect on whether you’re garden-variety self-critical or altogether too self-critical. In other words, are you hypercritical?
Keep in mind that there are costs to self-criticism. For example, it focuses your attention in unproductive and counterproductive directions, which means you’re more likely to make mistakes, resulting in even more self-judging. Self-criticism diminishes self-confidence and makes it difficult to appreciate yourself for your successes and accomplishments. It makes you skeptical of any praise and acknowledgment you receive from others; why, after all, would anyone say nice things to you and about you?
One way to put an end to self-criticism is to identify the things you most often tell yourself when you’re in self-critical mode, such as “I’m an idiot!” or “I’m useless,” or the more sarcastic “What a genius I am!” Then come up with positive things you can tell yourself instead, such as “Now I’ll know what to do differently next time,” or “Silly mistake, oh well,” or “Really blew it that time; guess it proves I’m human.”
Repeat your choice of positive statements to yourself frequently until they become part of you. At the same time, make an explicit point of noticing all the things you do well that you might otherwise have overlooked or ignored. Compassionate self-awareness can be an important key in getting self-criticism under control.
One of the benefits of overcoming self-criticism is that when you do screw up, as you’re likely to do at some point, you can call yourself a doofus or idiot without letting it get you down. It’s just a convenient way of acknowledging that you fell short this time. But even if you can’t just laugh it off, you can move on knowing you are, fortunately, just human.
