Averting Rude Behavior—Even if It’s Unintentional
Rude behavior is everywhere, and with everyone in a constant hurry or with their faces buried in their digital devices (or both), it may be getting worse. Of course, your list of behaviors that qualify as rude might differ from mine, but no matter. There are plenty to choose from.
During a meeting in which we were discussing rude behavior, a woman named Stacy described an experience in which she was talking to a company executive when he abruptly turned away from her and started talking to someone else. I asked if he had cut her off midsentence. No, she admitted. She had finished what she was saying but was about to add another comment when he rudely turned away. It sounded like a minor matter, but judging from Stacy's tone of voice, she was deeply offended by his behavior.
I asked her if this apparent rudeness might have been unintentional. Could it be, I asked, that he was simply distracted by everyone clamoring for his attention or by other priorities she wouldn’t have known about? She said no, absolutely not. I asked if she'd be able to forgive him if he apologized for how he'd treated her. She thought not. She said at his level, he should have known better. Clearly, in her mind, the damage was done and that was the end of it.
To me, Stacy's reaction seemed extreme—hardly worth blowing your top over. Still, it highlighted how easy it is to cause offense when interacting with others. How often do we glance a certain way, use a certain phrase, or make an innocuous comment and unintentionally offend a customer or coworker? Worse, how often do we do so and not even realize it because the offended person doesn't tell us about it? We don’t always get a chance to apologize or correct a misinterpretation.
When I described Stacy's reaction to some colleagues, we started listing situations in which an inadvertent word or action might offend customers. For example, you could cause offense on the phone by sounding bored or unenthusiastic. You could do it at a customer gathering by looking at your watch or phone while a customer is speaking to you. You could do it in a class by flipping through notes while a customer asks a question.
Or, as in Stacy's case, you could do it by not waiting a fraction of a second after a customer finishes speaking before turning away, leading the customer to conclude that you couldn't wait to escape.
The people you work with may feel that at your level, you should know better. Therefore, from time to time, it's a good idea to reflect on the impact you have on customers and be sensitive to their reactions to your words and actions. You don't have to go to extremes and worry whether every syllable or nod might cause offense. Just by being conscientious about how you're being perceived, you're less likely to allow a careless word or action to provoke negative perceptions.
