Dealing with Chronic Complainers in the Workplace
A friend I used to see occasionally, Ms. Negativity-Personified, excelled at grousing and griping. What struck me one day was that when I was with her, I became more negative too. By contrast, when I was with another friend, Ms. Upbeat-and-Positive, I felt more upbeat myself. My takeaway: Stop spending time with negative people.
At work, you don’t always have the option to steer clear of chronic complainers. (Some people make a distinction between complaining and whining, but when you’re on the receiving end, it really doesn’t matter.) Unfortunately, such people zap the energy of those around them. But it’s not your job to determine why constant complainers behave that way.
Fortunately, some complainers just want someone to vent to. Once they get past their bout of venting, they maintain an even keel, at least for a while—assuming that they feel listened to and validated by the person they’re venting to. Therefore, if you’re trapped on the receiving end of their grousing, the best thing to do might be to listen, acknowledge, and empathize.
But what you don’t do in this situation is every bit as important as what you do. Don’t suggest that the complaining person is overreacting or that things aren’t as bad as the person thinks. And be careful not to say anything that might be taken as agreement, or else you may be pegged as an ally—or, worse, as someone the person can turn to anytime he or she feels like venting.
Furthermore, refrain from giving advice or offering a solution, which may just give the complainer one more thing to grouse about. A lot of complaining focuses blame outward: It’s someone else’s fault. Therefore, in some instances, a better strategy is to ask a simple question: “What do you want?” This question can focus the person on the steps he or she can take that may resolve the matter, or at least minimize the complaining about it.
Some people who complain a lot don’t realize how much they’re complaining. They display this behavior simply because no one has told them to stop. Therefore, pointing out to a complaining person that he or she often seems to find fault may be the thing that snaps the person out of it. I’ve seen this work brilliantly, with a simple “My goodness, you complain a lot” that transformed a chronic complainer into a reasonable person. You might consider trying this with a peer. Your boss’s boss? Maybe not.
