How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Calm
I once read somewhere that you can’t worry effectively about more than three things at a time. That was an eye-opener. I’d been worrying about five or six things and not doing a good job of it because my mind would flit back and forth from one worry to another. But by picking the top three, I could give each more attention and do a much better job of worrying about it.
Then again, why worry at all, especially when many of the things we worry about are things we can’t change? There are certainly no health benefits to worrying. In fact, it’s just the reverse: Worrying can negatively affect your heart rate, blood pressure, and more, and can contribute to headaches, back pain, a lowered immune system, and difficulty sleeping.
According to research, one reason we worry is the belief that worrying has positive effects, such as seeking a better way of handling the thing we’re worried about. This reason makes sense in work situations. If you’re worried enough that you’ll miss your deadline, you’re likely to take steps to prevent that from happening. And if you’re worried about getting the job you’ve been invited to interview for, you’ll (hopefully) take steps to better prepare for the interview. In these situations, worrying serves as a motivator to do things to reduce the worrying.
Aside from taking direct action to eliminate the cause of the worrying, there are things we can do to help reduce worrying. For example, distractions help. Even though exercising won’t eliminate the cause of the worrying, it can distract you for a while, and the health benefits of exercise can help counteract the potential negative effects of worrying. Similarly, meditation and other mindfulness techniques can have a calming and distracting effect. In general, keeping busy can help put the worrying on hold, even if just temporarily. Anything you can do that distracts you from the worries can give you a mental break.
If you can’t seem to stop yourself from worrying by any other means, a valuable technique is to create a worry period. This is a period of time, such as fifteen to thirty minutes daily, well before bedtime, that you set aside for the explicit purpose of worrying. All other times of the day are to remain worry-free. If worries creep into your mind any time outside your worry period, you set them aside, knowing you’ll be able to give them full attention during your worry period.
It may also help to simply accept your worries. Acknowledge that they are real and part of who you are, and if there’s really nothing you can do about the situations that triggered them, then let that be OK. It may be time to move on with your life.
