How to Respond to Rude People
It’s bad enough contending with rudeness outside of work. But when you have to deal with it at work—whether from customers, managers, coworkers, or anyone else—it’s especially annoying.
To the extent feasible, try not to engage with the person. Instead of letting the person’s bad attitude get to you, walk away from the situation. If you want to hear what the person has to say—or by virtue of the person’s position, you have to stay and listen—remain quiet and don’t respond in kind.
When you can’t walk away, try not to lose your cool.
If you’ve become angry, contain that anger and wait until later to vent—when you’re far from the offending person. If the confrontation is in person or by phone, stay calm. If it’s by email, do NOT reply immediately or you risk escalating an already prickly situation.
Keep in mind that rude behavior is often about the person’s personal issues, not about you. And what happened in the person’s childhood or personal life needn’t be your concern.
It can be helpful to consider the context. For example, if the behavior is out of character for the person, it’s likely an isolated situation. If it’s an interaction with someone you won’t have to deal with again, get through it and let it go. And if it’s someone who is persistently rude, the behavior may be triggered by a bias about your gender, occupation, etc. Even if the person is misguided, it may take less out of you to ignore the behavior than try to change it.
Sometimes, though, you do need to confront rude people and call them out for their inappropriate behavior. One way to do this is to politely and calmly ask them to stop. If you can transition to a calm conversation, you may discover that the rudeness was based on a resolvable misunderstanding and then you can move toward resolution.
Of course, if the rudeness is caused by loud cell phone talkers, creativity may suggest a solution. One person, for example, carried a small recording device with him that he placed on a table near an offender. When one loud-talker asked what he was doing, he responded, “Well, since you obviously want me to hear your conversation, I’d better keep a copy of it.”
It worked: the man got up and walked away. Are you inspired?
