How to "Manage" Your Former Peers and Friends
If you’ve just become a manager or executive, and you’re now going to be managing people who used to be your colleagues, pals, and good buddies, your relationships with your former peers will change. You may prefer that the relationships don’t change, but they can, they will, and if you are to succeed, they must.
Some of your employees may resent that you earned the position instead of them; others may feel you chose the job over your friendships. To counter this reaction, you may be tempted to win their support by giving them extra attention. The best advice is: Don’t. Too much attention can appear to others as favoritism. It’s important not to spend all your time worrying about losing the friendship of your former peers, or you’ll have a difficult time making even simple decisions.
In fact, it’s best to abandon any idea you might have about how you can still be one of the gang and how nothing really needs to change between you and them. You’re now their boss. Your job isn’t to make or keep friends; it’s to build the strongest team you can. Until you start to act as their boss, your employees won’t accept you as their boss.
Still, it’s wise to tread lightly at first, perhaps by identifying a few small decisions you can make fairly quickly, while deferring bigger ones—the ones you may be most eager to implement—until you've been in the role longer and have had time to gather input. This will give you a chance to take actions that establish your credibility.
One of the most important early steps in establishing credibility is to hold periodic meetings with each employee. These one-on-ones are an opportunity to talk with employees about the expectations you each have about this new relationship.
Strive to establish a strong network of mentors and coaches who can provide guidance, support, and inspiration. This won’t spare you from making mistakes—every manager makes them—but having a network you can turn to can help you transition quickly into your new role and gain the best possible chances of succeeding.
When I first became a manager, I took over a department in which, some years previously, I had been a member. It was challenging enough just becoming fluent as a manager; managing people whom I had previously worked closely with as colleagues and peers added to the challenge.
Have you ever had a similar experience? I'd love to read your comments.
