Why It May Seem Like People Aren’t Listening to You
Most of us have sometimes felt that others weren’t listening to us. We introduced a new policy, announced some new standards, gave some instructions, or provided some advice, and they didn’t do what we wanted them to do, or they did it wrong, or they did something else instead. When that happens, we see these other people as deliberately ignoring us.
But it could be that there is something we are doing (or not doing) that leads them—customers, coworkers, whoever—to react in a way that just makes us think they don’t listen. Consider three ways in which you could be contributing to the situation.
The Clutter Effect
Perhaps the information you provided was masked by clutter. For example, you may have presented your information in such a way that recipients couldn’t distinguish the subset you considered critical from all the rest. As a result, it didn’t catch their attention. With all the clutter people face elsewhere in their lives, it’s no wonder they don’t want to wade through your material searching for relevance.
Yet, in written form, it’s easy to highlight critical information so that it clearly stands out and catches readers’ attention. And in spoken information, you can use the verbal equivalent of bold type, such as by saying, “The following points are particularly important.”
Information overload guarantees that getting and holding people’s attention will remain a challenge. But that’s all the more reason to be mindful of how you present your information, especially in email.
A “Me-Smart, You-Dumb” Attitude
How you say something is at least as important as what you say if you want others to accept your directions and recommendations. Even the best advice is worth little if presented in an off-putting manner. If your tone of voice or choice of words convey a “you’re-a-jerk, I’m-a-genius” attitude, it’s hard to fault those on the receiving end for dismissing not only the information, but you as well.
If you want others to be receptive to your ideas, think about how you come across to them. Would you listen to someone who sounded like you do?
The Why behind the What
Perhaps you failed to explain your decisions, so you sounded like you were issuing orders and mandates. If you neglected to provide an explanation about how your decisions came to be and why they matter, these decisions may appear to others to be arbitrary and without rationale.
It’s not standards, policies, guidelines, procedures, and instructions that people resist; it’s being confronted with these rules with no understanding of the whys and wherefores. If acceptance by others is important, it’s worth investing some additional effort to explain the reasoning behind your decisions.
