The Cost of Holding a Grudge against a Coworker
It’s a funny concept, holding a grudge. A grudge is a feeling of anger, hurt, bitterness, or even revenge about someone’s behavior or intentions. A grudge crowds out other thoughts. You’re holding the grudge, but the grudge is also holding you.
Grudges zap your energy and divert your attention to things that are irrelevant, counterproductive, and, worst of all, negative. But the cost of holding onto a grudge isn’t just mental or emotional. Hang onto a grudge for too long and it can trigger a stress response that’s potentially damaging to your physical and psychological health. As a result, a grudge can affect you not just personally, but also professionally.
Basically, hanging onto a grudge can wear you down, especially if it concerns someone you work with or interact with often. Yet, all the time you’re experiencing the negativity of a grudge, the individual that triggered it might be totally unaware of it. So you’re all alone, letting the grudge fester, rehearsing and reliving the situation that triggered it, and suffering accordingly. That’s why the best way to treat a grudge is to let it go.
Letting it go is not to deny the pain, hurt or other reactions that triggered the grudge. These reactions are perfectly normal when someone mistreats you. The challenge is to be bold enough to acknowledge that holding the grudge is taking too much of your time and energy.
It can also be useful to try to imagine the provoking circumstances from the offender’s perspective. Considering possible viewpoints that differ from your own may lead to a new or enlightened understanding of the person’s behavior, and this understanding may chip away at the grudge. Also contemplate whether there is a humane way you can address the situation with the person.
If possible, offer forgiveness, if not directly to the offender, then in your own mind—not because the person is without blame, but because letting go of the grudge is healing. Forgiving doesn’t mean you’ll never think of the matter again; no doubt, you will. But it does mean you’re allowing for the fact that no one and nothing in this world is perfect, and you’d much rather devote your time and energy to the things in your life that really matter.
