Tips to Improve Your Negotiating Skills
Most people think they don’t know how to negotiate, but the reality is that you are already a negotiator. Nearly every day, you carry out negotiations with people in your personal and professional life. A few tips might help you get better at it and feel more confident doing it.
One bit of advice I’ve often heard is to let the other party make the first offer. But Art Markman, a cognitive scientist, cites research that advocates just the opposite—making the first offer. This first offer serves as an anchor.
But in making the first offer, some people attempt to justify it, which is a mistake. Why? Because in negotiations, each party tends to see the other as an adversary, and when they hear an argument that supports the initial offer, they immediately begin to think in terms of counterargument. Instead, Markman says:
Let the other party come back with a counteroffer. Chances are, that counteroffer will not be adjusted as far away from your initial offer as it would have been if you had made arguments in your own favor.
Not surprisingly, displaying negative emotions, such as impatience or anger, are likely to trigger negative outcomes, such as adversarial communication and distrust, which results in win or lose outcomes and less than optimal solutions.
Worse, these reactions can trigger a get-even mentality. On the other hand, positive emotions, such as patience and hope, are more likely to lead to open communication, cooperation, and mutual problem solving, which means both parties are likely to benefit.
Good listening practices can also benefit a negotiation. This goes beyond just setting your ears to “wide open.” First of all, sit down to signal that you’re willing to spend time listening to the other party’s views. Find common ground by talking about a shared interest before venturing into the issue at hand.
Show interest by leaning in and nodding your head, but don’t overdo it! Keep your cool; no yelling or walking off in a huff. Don’t make empty threats or you’ll undermine your own efforts and cause the other party to lose respect for you. Seek compromise whenever possible.
The words you use in a negotiation can affect the other party’s response. In a business setting, substituting “situations” for “problems” or using terms like “mutual expertise” can sometimes help generate a positive response.
Avoid language that might put the person on the defensive, such as “we disagree,” “you moron!” or worse, tempted though you might be.
If you’re making a proposal to a client, give the client time to review it and raise questions. In responding to questions, you can actually use silence strategically by pausing before you make a key point. When someone makes you an offer, pausing before you respond may make you seem more cautious and that might just help your case.
Finally, be brief. There’s a view among negotiators that whoever talks the most during a negotiation loses. This may be more apocryphal than real, but it can’t hurt to keep it in mind.
