Instead of Overreacting to Stressful Situations, Try Underreacting
Overreacting is what we’re often inclined to do when someone blocks our progress, interferes with our plans, pushes our buttons, or treats us inappropriately. It’s an emotional response that is more forceful than the situation calls for.
Typically, an overreaction isn’t the result of careful, deliberate thought. It’s not as if we think to ourselves, “My coworker (or customer or manager) is a jerk, so I’ll respond to his inane question by jumping down his throat.” Sometimes, even as we’re overreacting, we know there’s a better way—possibly a way that will get us more of what we want, if only we can get a grip on ourselves. After all, overreacting is a form of self-sabotage in which we suffer as much as the other party, or maybe even more, considering we then have to apologize, make up for our excessive reaction, or slink away in embarrassment.
There’s lot of advice on the web about how to avoid overreacting. For example, take care of yourself by getting enough sleep and tending to your physical needs. When a button-pushing situation strikes, breathe before responding. Even better, avoid a possible outburst by backing away from the situation. Instead of responding on the spot, take time to process your feelings. Devise responses that will enable you to buy time, such as “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.”
Instead of thinking in terms of avoiding overreacting, you might try underreacting. This is a concept I came across in Gretchen Rubin’s book Happier at Home. Rubin describes a reader who was on a research ship in Antarctica. The reader’s team leader cautioned the team “not to ignore or minimize problems, but just to underreact to them.” By making a commitment to underreact to problems, Rubin found herself cultivating a calm attitude. I’ve found this idea helpful too. This notion can be applied both in personal and work situations when you might otherwise overreact.
Just as overreacting can hurt you as well as the other party, underreacting can benefit both of you. On his business development blog, Ron Karr describes a real estate agent who had devoted considerable time to helping a client find the perfect home only to learn that the client found a home through another agent. Instead of groaning and griping, the agent enthusiastically congratulated the client—which led to the client wanting to continue a relationship and the agent showing the client additional homes, one of which the client purchased instead of the one originally selected.
As Karr notes, “Getting upset at clients when they let us down does nothing for our long-term success. It does solve our immediate emotional need to get back at someone and vent our feelings. But all that does is shut down the long-term prospects of the relationship.”
